Things That Terrify Me: Muppet Arms

Yes! Muppet-Arms. The thought of those lifeless, metal-wire controlled extremities with stiff unmoving digits brings a shudder to my spine.

Get away from me psycho-muppet!

I don't know exactly when this phobia started. I was always very curious about the arms of muppets as a kid. They're skinny, not proportionate, and only move in rigid and wild motions. "But hey!" you say. "The Muppets? They're so cute and funny, and hey, they have personalities just like you and me".

But they don't have control over their crazy arms!

I've been doing some research about muppet arms and it turns out that the all the scary muppets ie. Kermit, Gonzo, Elmo, and Grover are all "hand-rod muppets", a so-called innovation in puppet creation that was invented by none other than Jim Henson. Why would he invent muppets with deformed, toothpick arms that flap around uncontrollably?

Imagine these arms poking at you in your sleep. The muppets
mouth agape, like some kind of crazed fuzzy sociopath. I need a shower just
thinking of it.

Apparently, the term muppet-arms also has more meaning. According to urbandictionary.com:


Muppet Arms


Typically a person that tries to throw an object but is so weak in their arms and upper body that said object fails to make any reasonable distance causing amusement to everyone witnessing it.


1. I first came across this term in the Australian Army, when the instructors would criticize the females practicing grenade throwing who could barely throw the grenade five meters.

2. The (cricket, baseball etc) coach yelled "muppet arms" at the top of his voice every time a player failed by throwing with pathetic force.


Well, that also sums up my short-lived little-league career. Under this definition, I must have muppet-arms as well.


I went to the doctor today to ask about my muppet-arm disorder. Although I haven't been to a doctor in years, since college started in fact, I needed to rush to the doctor immediately when I found out about these terrible symptoms. What if my arms shrunk? Would I lose my elbow? Would I grow strange fuzz on my skin that turns some kind of Crayola crayon color? 

Eeek! Prosthetic Muppet arms!

According to the doctor, muppet arms aren't to blame for my weak upper-body strength, or does it explain any possible muppet-arm phobia by association caused from actually suffering from muppet-arms, and putting myself through a form of muppet-arm denial. He says I just throw like a chicken, which was music to my ears.