Video: Bruce Springsteen's Most Awkward Moment Unearthed: Gothamist
Hey, if it were anyone else, this would be the most awkward moment of their life. Bruce just kind of basks in the complete awkwardness of this.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Box Turtle
The perilous road into Richview Beach is where this story takes place.
The road to Richview Beach is narrow. One lane going in. And one going out back to the mainland. On either side of the road there is tall sweeping willows and dune grass and just past that a tiny barrier bay. If one were to walk the road they would be bombarded by stinging pests like green flies and ticks. They would be sickened by the smell of low tide. Yet the end of the road is grand resort, a getaway for the well to do. There are houses built several floors high, with various viewing decks and docks for speed boats.
People flock to this area for its exclusive ocean beach, and those who were lucky enough to have a beach front property were delighted by the magnificent view, and most importantly, their private slice of home. Rarely did outsiders make the trip to Richview.
And while the ocean has crisp blue water and that constant cool breeze that
causes the hairs on one’s skin to stand, the bay is more bog than open water.
The ocean is a haven for fishermen, looking for stripers, bluefish, makos, and even tuna if one went out far enough, the bay was stocked full of small flesh-colored skates and tiny sand sharks, inedible and frustrating to a fisher expecting a great catch. These fish ruled the bay, and rarely was any of their prey to be found in the water. The sharks would soon be feeding on their own. They would wait for a smaller, perhaps injured shark to swim near the surface, and snap out of the dense mud to snatch another shark unaware.
For a turtle, neither bay nor ocean offered any safe passage. The ocean was populated with schools of speedy dolphins and massive mako sharks that hunt with their razor sharp teeth propelled by a large sweeping tail to glide like a torpedo through the water. And the bay was full of hidden dangers.
Still, turtles are rare in the bay. There is too much boat traffic, and way too many sand sharks. However, one turtle broke away from its kin and swam all the way around Richview Island to cross over into the bay.
The tiny turtle was pregnant and although the ocean would have been ideal for laying her eggs, the bay would have to suffice. Unfortunately, the road into Richview cut into the bay, and on one side of the road there was nothing but jagged rock and tall grass and on the other a smooth sandy beach. The turtle would need to make a tough and arduous climb up the sharp rocks first. The heat pounded down on the brown spotted shell of the turtle. The climb was dangerous and risky, and the turtle would have to pause frequently and find a cool spot under a rock for shelter.
It would take the turtle three days to climb the rocks and reach the road. She was near death from starvation and exhaustion, and rather than push across the far road with scorching hot pavement she decided to wait under some tall grass for nightfall.
All day the turtle stared across the road. It would be a long walk ahead, across two lanes of traffic. The engines zooming down the road were a menacing threat thought the turtle, but a necessary one. The beach across the road would be perfect for birth. It would be safe, and the lack of strong beach waves would protect the turtles. She tried to not think about the dangers they would face afterwards. The sharks would be a constant worry for her children. But she was determined to take one step at a time, as her bigger concern was to cross the road safely.
The day would soon turn to night. The turtle was awestruck by the beautiful sunset she was witnessing. The sky was pink with streaks of orange. As a grown adult turtle, most of her life was spent underwater, and this was the only sunset she had ever seen.
As the sunset ended, and the moon rose, the loud roar of speeding engines would wane. Time was on her side and her path was clear. She mustered what remained of her strength and began her crawl towards the sandy beach.
Some time passed, and she had only gotten a few feet. Already a few engines shot past her, but she hadn’t yet crawled into their trajectory, past a yellow line that she was now approaching.
The turtle knew that after that yellow line that there would be no turning back.
So she continued on.
One small step at a time.
Suddenly, there was a loud roar.
The turtle only felt a slight pressure on her shell, and then, nothing.
Slowly the turtle wakes up. It’s nighttime, but everything seems to be a dark shade of blue. Slowly she turns around. She notices the bay, and the tall grass, and can see the mountain of sharp rock below her. It’s the same spot as before. The turtle was puzzled. Slowly she turned around once again. Her beach was in the same spot, but this time there was an inconvenient black rubber fence blocking her path to the other side.
So she crawled to the fence. It was impossible for her to climb over the fence. She couldn’t pull herself up on her back legs. Instead, she nibbled at it. It tasted terrible, after all the turtle was used to better fare like flies and tiny fish.
Right before sunrise, she had managed to chew her way through. It was now a race to the other side, to her safe haven. This time she got half way, and once again her shell pressed down on her and she would go to sleep…
And wake up once again, in the same spot near the jutted rocks and waving grass. Ahead of her, the fence she could still taste in her mouth was repaired as if nothing ever happened.
She pushed on once again, more puzzled than ever. She impatiently gnawed through the fence again, and would only make it halfway before another push on her back and the distinct sound of rocks tumbling and she awoke once more.
Every day, there was a jogger who braved the road into Richview. Loaded up with bug spray and already used to the smell of low tide mud, he ran back and forth. It was in the past few days that the small Richview town government put up an order to build a turtle fence to prevent the little reptiles from crossing the road. Too many cars were coming across the road, and no one wants their precious new automobile to be covered with the slime and bacteria that a turtle could leave on their tires and mudflaps. ‘It’s a shame’ thought the jogger. Every dad he would jog past the crispy and smeared remains of turtles, just looking to get to the other side.
However, he noticed that there was a small hole in the fence, at a spot with sharp rocks on one side, and a dirty muddy beach on the other. One blistering sunny day, he passed the fence once again and encountered a man in a dark blue jumpsuit replacing the small section of damaged rubber fence.
“Those turtles really wanna cross the road huh?” said the jogger nonchalantly.
“Tell me about it…pains in the asses if you ask me. I’ve had to come out here every single morning to fix the same piece of fence. They should just stock this water full of dogfish, the turtles are just pathetic.”
“Well we don’t want that…I won’t be able to let my kids use the water.” With that the man giggled to himself, a sort of pat-on-the-back-for-a-good-laugh giggle.
The road to Richview Beach is narrow. One lane going in. And one going out back to the mainland. On either side of the road there is tall sweeping willows and dune grass and just past that a tiny barrier bay. If one were to walk the road they would be bombarded by stinging pests like green flies and ticks. They would be sickened by the smell of low tide. Yet the end of the road is grand resort, a getaway for the well to do. There are houses built several floors high, with various viewing decks and docks for speed boats.
People flock to this area for its exclusive ocean beach, and those who were lucky enough to have a beach front property were delighted by the magnificent view, and most importantly, their private slice of home. Rarely did outsiders make the trip to Richview.
And while the ocean has crisp blue water and that constant cool breeze that
causes the hairs on one’s skin to stand, the bay is more bog than open water.
The ocean is a haven for fishermen, looking for stripers, bluefish, makos, and even tuna if one went out far enough, the bay was stocked full of small flesh-colored skates and tiny sand sharks, inedible and frustrating to a fisher expecting a great catch. These fish ruled the bay, and rarely was any of their prey to be found in the water. The sharks would soon be feeding on their own. They would wait for a smaller, perhaps injured shark to swim near the surface, and snap out of the dense mud to snatch another shark unaware.
For a turtle, neither bay nor ocean offered any safe passage. The ocean was populated with schools of speedy dolphins and massive mako sharks that hunt with their razor sharp teeth propelled by a large sweeping tail to glide like a torpedo through the water. And the bay was full of hidden dangers.
Still, turtles are rare in the bay. There is too much boat traffic, and way too many sand sharks. However, one turtle broke away from its kin and swam all the way around Richview Island to cross over into the bay.
The tiny turtle was pregnant and although the ocean would have been ideal for laying her eggs, the bay would have to suffice. Unfortunately, the road into Richview cut into the bay, and on one side of the road there was nothing but jagged rock and tall grass and on the other a smooth sandy beach. The turtle would need to make a tough and arduous climb up the sharp rocks first. The heat pounded down on the brown spotted shell of the turtle. The climb was dangerous and risky, and the turtle would have to pause frequently and find a cool spot under a rock for shelter.
It would take the turtle three days to climb the rocks and reach the road. She was near death from starvation and exhaustion, and rather than push across the far road with scorching hot pavement she decided to wait under some tall grass for nightfall.
All day the turtle stared across the road. It would be a long walk ahead, across two lanes of traffic. The engines zooming down the road were a menacing threat thought the turtle, but a necessary one. The beach across the road would be perfect for birth. It would be safe, and the lack of strong beach waves would protect the turtles. She tried to not think about the dangers they would face afterwards. The sharks would be a constant worry for her children. But she was determined to take one step at a time, as her bigger concern was to cross the road safely.
The day would soon turn to night. The turtle was awestruck by the beautiful sunset she was witnessing. The sky was pink with streaks of orange. As a grown adult turtle, most of her life was spent underwater, and this was the only sunset she had ever seen.
As the sunset ended, and the moon rose, the loud roar of speeding engines would wane. Time was on her side and her path was clear. She mustered what remained of her strength and began her crawl towards the sandy beach.
Some time passed, and she had only gotten a few feet. Already a few engines shot past her, but she hadn’t yet crawled into their trajectory, past a yellow line that she was now approaching.
The turtle knew that after that yellow line that there would be no turning back.
So she continued on.
One small step at a time.
Suddenly, there was a loud roar.
The turtle only felt a slight pressure on her shell, and then, nothing.
Slowly the turtle wakes up. It’s nighttime, but everything seems to be a dark shade of blue. Slowly she turns around. She notices the bay, and the tall grass, and can see the mountain of sharp rock below her. It’s the same spot as before. The turtle was puzzled. Slowly she turned around once again. Her beach was in the same spot, but this time there was an inconvenient black rubber fence blocking her path to the other side.
So she crawled to the fence. It was impossible for her to climb over the fence. She couldn’t pull herself up on her back legs. Instead, she nibbled at it. It tasted terrible, after all the turtle was used to better fare like flies and tiny fish.
Right before sunrise, she had managed to chew her way through. It was now a race to the other side, to her safe haven. This time she got half way, and once again her shell pressed down on her and she would go to sleep…
And wake up once again, in the same spot near the jutted rocks and waving grass. Ahead of her, the fence she could still taste in her mouth was repaired as if nothing ever happened.
She pushed on once again, more puzzled than ever. She impatiently gnawed through the fence again, and would only make it halfway before another push on her back and the distinct sound of rocks tumbling and she awoke once more.
Every day, there was a jogger who braved the road into Richview. Loaded up with bug spray and already used to the smell of low tide mud, he ran back and forth. It was in the past few days that the small Richview town government put up an order to build a turtle fence to prevent the little reptiles from crossing the road. Too many cars were coming across the road, and no one wants their precious new automobile to be covered with the slime and bacteria that a turtle could leave on their tires and mudflaps. ‘It’s a shame’ thought the jogger. Every dad he would jog past the crispy and smeared remains of turtles, just looking to get to the other side.
However, he noticed that there was a small hole in the fence, at a spot with sharp rocks on one side, and a dirty muddy beach on the other. One blistering sunny day, he passed the fence once again and encountered a man in a dark blue jumpsuit replacing the small section of damaged rubber fence.
“Those turtles really wanna cross the road huh?” said the jogger nonchalantly.
“Tell me about it…pains in the asses if you ask me. I’ve had to come out here every single morning to fix the same piece of fence. They should just stock this water full of dogfish, the turtles are just pathetic.”
“Well we don’t want that…I won’t be able to let my kids use the water.” With that the man giggled to himself, a sort of pat-on-the-back-for-a-good-laugh giggle.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Is Anyone Really Excited for Football?
The lockout that has stalled the beginning of the football pre-season is finally over. Players can now attend their summer workouts, free-agents can be signed, and no games needed to be cancelled. This lockout has always been a battle of the greedy against the greedier, a battle between have lots and the have more. Meanwhile, fans are on hold, waiting to cough up thousands of dollars for those precious unattainable seats in the standing-only section. There's no doubt that Football has quickly become America's sport. I mean the Super Bowl is practically a National Holiday nowadays. People gather families together every Sunday for a football game and dinner, and this is precisely why this lockout has left a bad taste in my mouth. Did it really need to take so long to solve something so unimportant and against the wishes of the fans and families that have made football so popular?
It's hard enough being a baseball fan, especially a Yankee fan, without feeling at least a little guilty about rooting for players that make insane amounts of money. Even the lefty-specialist for a team makes a hundred times more than our police and firemen.
As I write this, the news on sportsradio is filled with blips and blurs about the newest free-agent signings in the NFL. Ochocinco to the Pats. Kolb to the Cardinals. Asomugha to the Jets (potentially). And they there's Brett Favre, hiding in the shadows, looking to come off retirement AGAIN. This isn't exactly exciting news to begin with. I'm sorry to the fans who missed talking about this stuff for so long, and are psyched for the season to begin, but seriously, get over it. The NFL only broke up the lockout because the lockout went far enough before the owners would start losing the first dollars coughed up by fans.
This year, me and Brittany are living without cable. And it's awesome. There's plenty of cheaper alternatives. The only thing I thought I would miss is Football Sunday, and Monday, oh and Thursday (sometimes). Frankly, I think I'll survive without football this season.
It's hard enough being a baseball fan, especially a Yankee fan, without feeling at least a little guilty about rooting for players that make insane amounts of money. Even the lefty-specialist for a team makes a hundred times more than our police and firemen.
As I write this, the news on sportsradio is filled with blips and blurs about the newest free-agent signings in the NFL. Ochocinco to the Pats. Kolb to the Cardinals. Asomugha to the Jets (potentially). And they there's Brett Favre, hiding in the shadows, looking to come off retirement AGAIN. This isn't exactly exciting news to begin with. I'm sorry to the fans who missed talking about this stuff for so long, and are psyched for the season to begin, but seriously, get over it. The NFL only broke up the lockout because the lockout went far enough before the owners would start losing the first dollars coughed up by fans.
This year, me and Brittany are living without cable. And it's awesome. There's plenty of cheaper alternatives. The only thing I thought I would miss is Football Sunday, and Monday, oh and Thursday (sometimes). Frankly, I think I'll survive without football this season.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
I Thought This Was America!: Netflix Raises Prices 60%
Ok...well maybe the I Thought This was America bit is a little misinformed here. I mean, what else are we to expect from American businesses nowadays? Netflix is going to begin charging 60% extra for their basic Watch Instantly + 1 DVD subscription. It's a jump from $10 a month to $16 and while one may argue that you get a bevy of television shows and movies to watch, I'm still going to call bullshit. Bullshit!
Let's examine the facts.
1.LOOK WHAT THERE IS TO CHOOSE FROM ON NETFLIX INSTANT
Listen, I DO appreciate the occasional b-movie, the occasional drunk decision to watch something like Mac and Me with a few glasses of whiskey, only to get bored eventually and in drunken fashion dust off the ol' Sega Genesis. I will not pay $16 a month to have the opportunity to catch up on the Steven Seagal filmography. It's ridiculous, I have over 400 movies in my Instant Queue and I still can't find anything good to watch. Ever.
2.DO YOU NEED THE DVD ANYWAY?
Yeah, seriously. Let's say there's a new release you want to catch as it comes out, knowing that you have a choice between renting it for an arm and leg on cable or seeking out one of the last remaining Blockbusters of this world or going to your old pal Netflix for the movie. Well Netflix would make the most sense, but you will soon realize that that same movie you waited for Netflix, instead of getting rammed in the ass by the movie theatre cost of the movie, will be available sometime between next week and the fall of mankind. Look into other alternatives instead. Apple's iTunes store usually carries movies a bit cheaper than cable, and in HD to boot.
3.BUT THERE'S SO MANY TV SHOWS!
This is a tough one. I did have the opportunity to catch all of Battlestar Galactica, which was very nice. Yet for every Battlestar or Twilight Zone season available there are 10 BJ and The Bear's and old re-runs of Dallas. The only people who would ever watch these shows are the same people who are too old to turn on the damn computer and sign in to an e-mail account!
Ok maybe this isn't so bad after all. For some people, myself included, Netflix and Hulu Plus have become welcome substitutions to a monthly cable bill. My problem is that when will these prices stop going up? There's no doubt that these online video streaming services are getting more and more popular, and there's always some so called "competition" soon to come. But really, what's the mark-up on this service? How much does it really cost to send cheaply made b-movies to my computer? I don't think the rights to stream Ishtar to me at any time of the day justify a six buck increase.
Netflix apparently wishes to wean off of their DVD service and go to a more full-blown Streaming service. Great! But what's to stop them from raising their prices again? What happens when it costs $20 just to stream the same old shitty videos? Will people cancel in that case?
Netflix also claims that the cost of shipping DVD's has skyrocketed. This is another sign of bullshit. After all, only a few Summers ago, I remember receiving Three DVD's at a time with my Watch Instant subscription and only paying $17 to do so. Surely the boom of new customers has risen over the years, and there would still be a huge profit margin in keeping all subscriptions at the same price they have been. Right?
Obviously I'm missing something. Was it that time I cut Economy class in high school? Maybe I missed something then? Oh wait, no, it's just capitalism. Silly me. This has gotta be America. Whew! For a second there I thought we were in a Communist country.
Let's examine the facts.
1.LOOK WHAT THERE IS TO CHOOSE FROM ON NETFLIX INSTANT
Listen, I DO appreciate the occasional b-movie, the occasional drunk decision to watch something like Mac and Me with a few glasses of whiskey, only to get bored eventually and in drunken fashion dust off the ol' Sega Genesis. I will not pay $16 a month to have the opportunity to catch up on the Steven Seagal filmography. It's ridiculous, I have over 400 movies in my Instant Queue and I still can't find anything good to watch. Ever.
2.DO YOU NEED THE DVD ANYWAY?
Yeah, seriously. Let's say there's a new release you want to catch as it comes out, knowing that you have a choice between renting it for an arm and leg on cable or seeking out one of the last remaining Blockbusters of this world or going to your old pal Netflix for the movie. Well Netflix would make the most sense, but you will soon realize that that same movie you waited for Netflix, instead of getting rammed in the ass by the movie theatre cost of the movie, will be available sometime between next week and the fall of mankind. Look into other alternatives instead. Apple's iTunes store usually carries movies a bit cheaper than cable, and in HD to boot.
3.BUT THERE'S SO MANY TV SHOWS!
This is a tough one. I did have the opportunity to catch all of Battlestar Galactica, which was very nice. Yet for every Battlestar or Twilight Zone season available there are 10 BJ and The Bear's and old re-runs of Dallas. The only people who would ever watch these shows are the same people who are too old to turn on the damn computer and sign in to an e-mail account!
Ok maybe this isn't so bad after all. For some people, myself included, Netflix and Hulu Plus have become welcome substitutions to a monthly cable bill. My problem is that when will these prices stop going up? There's no doubt that these online video streaming services are getting more and more popular, and there's always some so called "competition" soon to come. But really, what's the mark-up on this service? How much does it really cost to send cheaply made b-movies to my computer? I don't think the rights to stream Ishtar to me at any time of the day justify a six buck increase.
Netflix apparently wishes to wean off of their DVD service and go to a more full-blown Streaming service. Great! But what's to stop them from raising their prices again? What happens when it costs $20 just to stream the same old shitty videos? Will people cancel in that case?
Netflix also claims that the cost of shipping DVD's has skyrocketed. This is another sign of bullshit. After all, only a few Summers ago, I remember receiving Three DVD's at a time with my Watch Instant subscription and only paying $17 to do so. Surely the boom of new customers has risen over the years, and there would still be a huge profit margin in keeping all subscriptions at the same price they have been. Right?
Obviously I'm missing something. Was it that time I cut Economy class in high school? Maybe I missed something then? Oh wait, no, it's just capitalism. Silly me. This has gotta be America. Whew! For a second there I thought we were in a Communist country.
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